Of being tired and of wanting to know when to give up.

• It's not even 10 yet and I already feel like sleeping. That clearly shows I'm tired, does it not? I am nocturnal okay.. Sleeping before midnight is unheard of. And what more wanting to sleep before 10pm? It completely contradicts who I am. Sigh. But yes I am tired. Both physically and emotionally. It might be due to the *coughshoppingcough* but I'm putting the blame on many other things. It cannot be cuz of the shopping cuz shopping makes me happy, and makes me forget my worries. I come back, I stare at the laptop, and I worry. Tell me which would you rather do?

• Anyways, I'm sidetracking la. Reason of this post is actually for.... nothing. I don't even know what's the reason of this. I just feel like I need to rant. I notice that recently all my posts are of ranting. The old me would have cared, cuz who wants to read a whole bunch of rants right? But the new me couldn't give a damn la. I blog what I want and if I wanna rant, that is exactly what I'll do.

• I don't know if I should give up, cuz in the first place, it's not as if I made effort to try and get it. But as time passes, and the more I think about it, the more I think it's time I give up la. Better to give up now when I can pull myself out, rather than attempt to give up few months down the road and cry like shit again cuz it's been too long.

• And here's something I know I cannot give up on. My stupid-bloody-effing-pain-in-the-ass A2. I just realised that I barely have 2 months to trials, and this time I need my trials results. The best thing is, I have become so so stupid. To top it off, I am a lazy-good-for-nothing PIG! SO the results? I am now totally lost in Physics, and I loathe it with all my heart. Not hate, but LOATHE! As for Maths, I barely know what's going on. At the rate I'm going, I might as well not sit for my A2 cuz I'm going to fail even if I sit for it anyway.

• I feel like I need to do what Tani did, and do some soul-searching as well. Just take the train to somewhere totally random, and spend the whole day thinking. Seems like a good plan, I just needa pick a day to skip class to do that. It's either that, or a getaway weekend la. Maybe I just need to spend some time with the people who truly love me and get me. A girls slumber party maybe?

• Aih I'm missing my girls a lot la k. College can get so unbearable cuz I don't see them everyday, the way I saw them everyday for hours when we were in high school. I really feel like I'm going to breakdown one of these days. It doesn't show cuz I don't wanna be all emo and sad in front of people. But I know it's going to happen soon, cuz I already almost cried today.

• Dear God, please give me the strength to endure whatever comes my way. Everything that I have to go through, I know you have reasons for them. And I know that they are all your plans, I might not understand them now, but in time I will. But I beg you dear Lord, if I do have to go through all these trials and challenges, that you will grant me your strength.. That I might not breakdown and cry, rather I'll stand up and walk again despite falling. I can only do it with Your strength. So please, help me. Amen.

• And Bffs, I miss you all. You have no idea how much I need US at this moment. This blog post took me longer than an hour to write, it is now already 11.30pm. I'm trying so hard to explain what I'm feeling but I can't.. I just wanna rewind time, I wanna go Dunkins again. I want this.