I'm scared, I really am..

• I just need to rant, I can't take it anymore. I don't know if anyone will understand me. I'm contemplating going to a counsellor as I type this, because I realise that everything I say is becoming very freaky. I sound like a raving lunatic, an over-the-top psychopath, but I swear that this is how I'm really feeling now. There is no exaggeration.

• I don't even know where to start, and I already feel like crying cuz I don't know if I'm supposed to feel this way. I realised that over the year, I have become very very protective of my heart. And I know this sounds like nothing, but it has gotten to the extend that I have made a vow, not to fall for ANY guy, until I know for sure that the guy has something for me, because I don't wanna get hurt again.

• Yes I know it is mean, and I know it is selfish, but I cannot help it. I really can't. I imagine feeling all that hurt all over again, and to feel that hole-in-the-chest feeling as well, and I just can't take it. I don't ever wanna feel that way anymore. Hence, my stupid vow. I never thought I would actually carry out the vow. But now I find myself doing it.

• I'm not going to disclose any information, but I thought that I had something for someone, and erm, maybe maybe he might have something for me oso. But now, I'm wondering why I have something for him, and I'm pulling away, cuz I somehow keep thinking that he doesn't have anything for me, and I don't wanna fall and get hurt all over again. NOW do you dare tell me that's not stupid? cuz I feel it really is, but I'm the one feeling it. so in a way, I guess that makes me stupid.

• It's so ridiculous, that I am actually so afraid of getting hurt I'm actually resorting to pulling back from falling for any guy. Am I going to be like that forever? People say in love we gotta take chances, but I've taken so many and they failed, and I am scared, I really am. I don't even know if this is normal, I feel like I need to see a counsellor or something.

• I haven't felt so emo in so long, but tonight it's really hitting me. I don't know how else to express myself, so I figured this is the best way. My blog. The only medium I have for me to fully express myself. And now everyone is going to think I'm nuts and I deserve to be in a mental institute. Thank you very much, I've realised that a long time ago.