I don't ever wanna grow up..

• OK so I did not see myself in MTV but whatever, just being at the concert was more than enough already.. Seeing it on tv brought back memories of one of the best nights ever.. I so wanna relive it again..

• But neway, MTV aside.. I was channel surfing after that, and I came across Peter Pan 2 : Return to Neverland.. And so I just watched cuz I was bored.. And I remembered the times when I watched the first Peter Pan all the time..

• I always wanted to be Peter Pan's best friend.. I mean, I even wished I could be in Neverland.. All I would do is just fly and play everyday, and hang out with Peter Pan.. That was all while I was maybe around 7 or 8.. But definitely not older den that.. Somewhere along the way, I changed.. I wanted to grow up.. I wanted to be a teenager, I wanted to see the world..

• But just now as I was watching Jane and Peter, I truly felt like crying.. I just wish that it would all stop.. That time would freeze over and I'll never grow up.. I wanna be at that age where all I wanted to do was fly and have fun, without a single care in the world..

• I've always thought that I'm happy with myself, with who I am.. And honestly I do.. But I can't deny that I hate the fact that I've lost a part of me.. I've lost the part that wanted all things simple.. The part that would always dream of fairytales just because they were happy.. In conclusion, I miss the young me..

• The 7 year old Amanda who fell down all the time while running around, and cried when she scrapped her knee.. But who was never afraid to stand up again and run, just cuz the fun of it all made the fall worth it.. I miss her.. The chubby girl I see in the pictures who smiled like she had no worries in the world..

• Now when I look in the mirror, I see a girl who fears so much, who worries about so many things.. A girl who's known for her laughter and her smile, but yet hides so much the world cannot see.. A girl who is scared of each fall, cuz she doesn't wanna scrape her knee and feel the pain..

• The girl in the mirror needs to learn from that 7 year old.. Amanda needs to look in the mirror and see a 7 year old Amanda, and not her own reflection..

• The girl in the mirror needs to stop fearing, and instead, learn how to dance in the rain.. Like the 7 year old, don't ever complain because the rain is coming... Go ahead and say,

"Who cares if I'm wet? Bring on the thunder.."